LGBTQ in Tech: Out or Outlier? The Channel Speaks Up
…U.S. for a President’s Club trip, for example. “When they send you a packet to prepare for the trip, there might be a blurb in there with verbiage along the lines of, ‘If you are a member of the LGBTQ community, these are the precautions that you need to take.’”
“The ‘Bro’ Mentality Has to Go”
For M.O., who has worked in the channel for more than a decade, being on guard in the workplace is second nature. “Being a gay woman in the channel means I get hassled from all directions,” she said.
“As a woman, I find myself minimized and even ignored. I get sick and tired of making a suggestion at a meeting and having no one react until it’s repeated by one of the men in attendance. Then everyone dances around about how brilliant he is.”
Like TBI’s Reynolds, M.O. is cautious about sharing details of her life. “Once it’s known that I’m a lesbian, I usually have to deal with one of two scenarios. In some cases, I get men offering to ‘cure’ me of my preference for other women. In others, I’m treated like one of the guys. That means they feel free to make disgusting, sexist remarks and foul comments around me.”
“The channel reflects the tech industry in that the majority of members are white, middle-aged and male,” she said. “It’s a tough industry for any woman, regardless of gender identity. I’m not condemning the whole industry. Look, I’ve stayed in it for more than 10 years. But the whole ‘bro’ mentality has got to go.”
“Hazing, Harassment and Dirty Looks”
When N.B. began her transition nearly four years ago, she was co-owner of a successful MSP. While her employees were, for the most part, supportive of her, the same couldn’t be said for others around her. “I endured the worst hazing, harassment, dirty looks and people laughing in my face the first year,” she said. “It was horrible.”
After nearly a year of hormone therapy, N.B. no longer looked like “a man dressed as a woman,” as she described it. She no longer heard people referring to her as a “freak.”
Instead, she found herself firmly outside the “bro” circle.
“I had been a cybersecurity expert for the last 15 years,” she said. “When I gave them advice as a male, no one questioned anything. I was the expert.”
“After I transitioned, I started hearing ‘Are you sure?’ when I gave advice. If I went on calls with a male salesperson, they would assume he was my boss. Even when he told them I was the boss they would continue to direct questions to him. And he had no tech background.”
“One client told me that he would never talk to me again. He said he wanted to work with someone else in my company because he didn’t feel comfortable with me being around his clients and his employees. Due to religious beliefs, of course.”
Today, N.B. is founder and CEO of an MSP specializing in providing IT support and security for clinics. She is still a cybersecurity expert. And most of her clients have no idea that she is transgender.
A Mixed Climate in the Channel
As for the channel and the IT community, N.B. says “it’s definitely pretty mixed.”
She encountered hostility while transitioning. Now people largely “interact with me and treat me just as a person.”
“What is it really hurting anybody else to treat somebody with respect?” she said. “If people would take any time at all to understand the process, they would be a lot more respectful and have a lot more empathy.”
TBI’s Reynolds echoed that sentiment. “Educate yourself,” he said. “Do your best to learn from everyone else’s experiences.”
“You don’t have a stake on reality. Open your heart and listen a lot louder than you speak.”
Want to contact the author directly about this story? Have ideas for a follow-up article? Email Buffy Naylor or connect with her on LinkedIn. |
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